D-E Principals Kim Lalli (Upper School), Jonathan Davis (Middle School), and James Choi (Lower School) are closely aligning with the overarching message in a book by Jennifer Breheny Wallace called Never Enough, which examines how an understandable desire to set children up for success has led to unprecedented pressure on them.

In her book, Wallace explains that the drive to “optimize performance has only resulted in skyrocketing rates of anxiety, depression, and even self-harm in America’s highest achieving schools.” The book asks readers to consider how we can teach our children and students to strive for excellence while staying healthy, true to themselves, and happy. 

Below is an excerpt that is particularly profound:

These students are playing out their young lives in a kind of gilded pressure cooker—shiny on the outside, punishing on the inside. Every win sets even higher expectations: harder classes, tougher tournaments. Even activities that are supposed to be fun and stress reducing, like playing a sport or a musical instrument, become a means to an end: padding for life’s résumé. […] Despite best intentions, we adults can magnify the pressure. Over the past thirty years, as the world has grown both more competitive and more uncertain, parents have bet big on the belief that childhood success – the grades, the trophies, the résumés – is the surest, safest pathway to a secure, happy adult life. […] Instinct compels us to do right by our kids, but where does “right” turn into something else?

In an effort to work together with parents/guardians to support our students and ensure a more enriching and balanced learning environment, the Principals have facilitated several events aimed at discussing Never Enough and finding practical solutions to exceedingly high expectations.

The D-E Counseling Team will lead two discussion groups for families who have read Never Enough—one in-person session and one virtual session:

• Tuesday, October 21 (8:30 AM to 9:30 AM) – an in-person opportunity
• Tuesday, November 4 (7:30 PM to 8:30 PM) – a virtual opportunity

In addition, there will be a conversation with the author, Jennifer Wallace, on Wednesday, November 12, at 7:00 PM in Hajjar Auditorium that is open to all D-E families. Please note that a virtual option and/or recording will not be available. If you plan to attend the author presentation, please let us know by submitting this form.

In a joint statement, the Principals relayed: “A cornerstone of the D-E community is the belief that a healthy family-school relationship is essential for our students to flourish. These events are designed to bring us together in shared learning and dialogue so that we may continue to build a strong and supportive environment for our children.”