“Students are crushed by an unrelenting drive to succeed and then climb even higher…”
A series of conversations about the book Never Enough, which delves into the pressure our kids feel to achieve and how a strong sense of “mattering” can act as a buffer to this pressure, culminated last week with a presentation by author Jennifer Wallace for both D-E faculty/staff members and parents/guardians in Hajjar Auditorium. Upper School (US) Principal Kim Lalli, Middle School (MS) Principal Jonathan Davis, and Lower School (LS) Principal James Choi facilitated these discussions.
“Students are crushed by an unrelenting drive to succeed and then climb even higher,” reflected Mr. Davis. “[Ms. Wallace’s] presentation related to the school’s HumanEd traits—Collaboration, Creativity, Critical Thinking, Curiosity, Engagement, Initiative, Perseverance, and Risk-Taking—the things we want our students to develop as they invest in the process of learning and growth.”
Mr. Choi said, “Even for capable students—and adults—purpose alone is not enough to buffer against burnout. What also matters is helping students develop an intrinsic sense of self—detached from accomplishments—and being of value to their immediate communities.”
“The most compelling takeaway was Ms. Wallace’s emphasis on ‘mattering’—the idea that young people thrive when they feel truly seen, valued, and understood by the adults around them…”
US Psychologist Deirdre O’Malley, Psy.D., who introduced Ms. Wallace ahead of her presentation, as well as other members of the D-E Counseling Team attended smaller group sessions, both in-person and virtual, to discuss with D-E families the approaches outlined in Never Enough.
“The most compelling takeaway was Ms. Wallace’s emphasis on ‘mattering’—the idea that young people thrive when they feel truly seen, valued, and understood by the adults around them,” said Dr. O’Malley. “This theme resonated for both faculty and parents because it speaks directly to the foundation of healthy development, academic engagement, and emotional resilience.”
Dr. O’Malley added that Ms. Wallace framed connection as the core of our work. “Her reminder that making kids feel known… gives faculty permission to lean into the human side of teaching, especially when the landscape feels overwhelming,” she said.
Ms. Lalli concurred with this framework. “We ask our teachers to do an increasingly complex and emotionally demanding job,” she remarked. “Simplifying the relational aspect of their work to focus on connection and ‘100 one-minute conversations’ is both actionable and meaningful.”
According to Mr. Davis, the discussion with Ms. Wallace “validated our focus on process over product and knowing our students beyond their classroom performance.”
“One of the most powerful things we can do as educators and as parents is to approach our children from a stance of empathy and curiosity,” said Dr. O’Malley. “When we strive to understand them as whole individuals—what drives them, what concerns them, what brings them joy—we help them feel truly seen and create the conditions for them to thrive.”
After all, shared Ms. Lalli, “Our most important job is to help our students feel a sense of ‘mattering’—to us and their community, just as they are.”
This means keeping the lines of communication open not only between students and teachers, but also teachers and parents. Mr. Choi noted, “The foundations of partnership between teachers and parents are essential to the well-being of students.”
These discussions are just the beginning for our School community. Ms. Lalli said, “Our continued conversations about curriculum and schedule will be centered on what is best for kids, and so there will be many programs and changes in the next few months and years that signal our ongoing commitment to this work.”
